Archive for the ‘/dev/null’ Category

Humor in random places

I find so much humor in discovering little gems of hilarity. Call it toilet humor, call it low-brow, call it cheap. Yep – fine by me. I just call it funny. I was pleasantly surprised by the hidden extra bit of “that’s what she said” style comedy when I went to edit this picture.

Stripper spray – guaranteed to cover you with glitter, cheap perfume, and a tiny hint of B.O. (the bottle’s pretty gross, eh?)

Strippers do it best.
That says it all.

Stripper Spray

Stripper Spray

Responsibility

Since when is it the responsibility of the President of the United States to keep people employed? Why oh why do SO many people believe it is either in his power or one of his mandates to find and keep jobs for everyone?

Let me state this as clearly as possible – it is YOUR OWN responsibility to stay employed. You and you alone have the job of finding and keeping a job. The US as a whole is suffering from laziness and a severe lack of culpability.

Here’s a tip for anyone that is unemployed. Turn off the damn television. Nobody cares about who can sing better or play make believe in front of a camera. Pick up a book. Attend a user-group. Better thy self! Make yourself so good at what you do and so valuable that you are not capable of being unemployed.

Take a look around you at who is still employed – it’s the indispensables. The employees that are vital to a company’s survival. If you are not one of these people, you and you alone are to blame.

Barack Obama is NOT responsible for somebody’s lack of value at a company. Can we please stop placing blame inappropriately?

Emergency Hookers

I was going to write something about this gem that I spotted and file it under “clueless”, but on second thought, I believe these guys know -exactly- what they are up to.

emergency hookers

What happened to hair from the 70′s

Yet another senseless post. What happened to the hair styles of the 1970′s? This guy must’ve been at the pinnacle of rock ‘n roll style.

Cool Idea for IT

I came across a cool invention the other day. Whiteboard magnets that represent IT systems. This looks like a great idea as it should save lots of time in diagramming networks and systems.

CiscoMentor has some other IT teaching aides and network instructional stuff so it’s worth checking out.  They appear to be a fledgling site so I’d say keep checking back as this is some good stuff.  Their IT troubleshooting guide is a comprehensive step-by-step on what to check when things break.

network whiteboard magnet

Router Whiteboard Magnet

security whiteboard magnet

Firewall Whiteboard Magnet

the best drupal tool EVER

so…having strayed from techno-stuff for a while, it’s time to get back to what’s important – nerdism.

I’ve been doing a LOT of web work recently – trying to functionally capture my ideas and pet projects into working models. I’ve gotta say, being a “webmaster” is not at ALL what it was like ten years ago. Holy shit Batman. I have proven that with great functionality comes great complexity.

I’ve been using Drupal as my framework. I’ve gotta hand it to the folks at Drupal HQ…because this CMS is awesome!! It’s a freakin’ swiss-army knife of web juicyness. It seems that there’s a module for everything you could want to accomplish. I’m building some pretty complex web-apps…and am blown away that most of it’s all wrangled and accomplished through existing modules. CCK and views alone can conquer Eastern Europe…toss in a few more modules and you could possibly tackle that land war in Asia you’ve been dreaming of. It’s pretty amazing how much contribution has gone into the project. I’m even trying to give back some myself.

All that being said, there’s a little piece to the puzzle that I personally feel is the crème de la crème. One word – ‘drush’.

The DRUpal SHell is KICK ASS.

With this ninja-utility, not only do I have a solid web platform to deliver my apps on…but I also have a way to script and actually MANAGE the platform without having to mire myself in thousands of hours of chasing my desk-rat. Add a little perl on top of the DRUpal SHell, I’m able to roll out sites in a consistent manner with loads of modules already activated, for a consistent experience and dev environment.

For instance, I needed to enable about 20 modules to get my site(s) up to speed with SEO optimization. I could either go through the list of additions by hand, one at a time, site by site… or throw a few commands at drush and call it a day. Leveraging drush, I am able to add the SEO pieces to a dozen websites with one command now. What’s even better…it can stay on top of my updates and security upgrades as well. Needless to say all my portals got upgraded last night as well, again with only one command (thanks to drush).

I won’t go into any more boring details as I’ve got to get back to work at the moment, but seriously…if you want to save your drupal life…check out drush.

Thank you drush developers. I love you.

DRUSH – the best Drupal tool EVER

WTF – AVR

AVR f#<k1^6 sucks.

There…somebody finally said it.

Sure, I’m all for blinky lights and fancy shmancy technology, but not at the cost of functionality. I’m sorry but who the hell decided that this automated lady would be a good idea? And where are they so I can slap them?

Do company executives even try calling into these hellish torture systems?

Why can’t I just enter my information with the buttons like the good ol’ days?

And when I do finally get in touch with the non-English speaking sap on the other end of the line and tell them that their system is broken…do you think they even know what I’m talking about?

I swear this to you. I am the head of an Internet software company…and I will NEVER make somebody have to endure this kind of hell to get in touch with somebody at my company.  A prompt or two is one thing, but for God’s sake – stop with the shoddy voice recognition already – it really sucks.

Cyberwarfare

Cyberwarfare.

The US government is scared as hell about electronic attacks on our nation’s networks and systems. And rightfully so! Our government is WAY behind the curve. Granted it was the US military (correctly – it was the R&D arm and was contractors at that) that sponsored and performed the original development of what has become the Internet. The tie stops there however. We’re in a VASTLY different situation than we were in the late 60′s to early 70′s…and sadly it’s ALL self-inflicted.


=======
A little background - I'm a security professional by trade. I've been building and breaking networks and systems for over a decade. I'm a Linux Junkie ('cause it's awesome) and am VERY interested in and invested in efforts to defend our companies and government agencies. I've worked from several angles and with several organizations and companies in this capacity. It's an exciting time to be working in this space.

I'm certain that a lot of people will be upset and/or offended by this post - but somebody has to say it.
=======

Having recently worked for a contractor to one of the biggest US DoD R&D facilities, I can tell you without a doubt that we are in a sad state indeed. We can put men on the moon (30 years ago), but we can’t seem to keep IT systems operating smoothly to save our lives. Rather than just complaining or stating the publicized obvious though, I’ll point out some of the core problems and offer some solutions.

Issue #1 – our budget system. What’s that? Why would this matter? The truth is that no network, ANYWHERE, can operate (or exist even) without a well oiled Layer 8 and 9 of the OSI model. While not officially published in the spec, politics (L9) and financing (L8) are fundamental components of any IT landscape.

We have a br0ken(!!!!!!) budget system. The US government has adopted a “use it or lose it” funding system (Zero-based_budgeting – specifically Incremental Spending) that is at the core of our problems. Rather than spending wisely or building systems with resiliency, scalability, or reliability in mind, we have mired ourselves in a feeding frenzy. We blow money on stupid shit that serves no purpose. We cannot expect to make sound decisions when decisions are tainted by budget strains. The examples of mismanagement and frivolous spending can go on for weeks.

To remedy the problem, we need to see a shift to performance based budgeting. A system where organizations are given increases based on their Performance and SAVINGS in the prior term. If your group doesn’t cut costs and deliver amazing results, your budget gets CUT. If you perform well and save the government money, you get awarded a bonus to use on projects, ideas, innovations, etc. This is a radical shift from our current model. Remedying this would solve something like 90% of Washington’s problems. I’m probably going to get shot for turning the lights on and making the roaches run & hide.

(after we solve problem #1)
Issue #2 – contractors. Yep, I said it. Having been a govt contractor myself, I can tell you truthfully that “small government” (accomplished by means of outsourcing) is crippling our ability even further for making sound decisions. Imagine an organization that’s interested only in self preservation and “re-election” and then toss in a healthy dose of “money to burn” and you’ll be pretty close to what’s going on. Sounds pretty familiar you say? Congress, the White House, and the rest of our government has painted themselves into the self preservation corner and it’s going to be one hell of a fight to get out.

What we’ve done is put a bunch of self interested groups into the mix, all with conflicting efforts and angles (because there’s no central authority), and are scratching our heads as to why we’re vulnerable and so mixed up. um… do I really need to spell this out?

If we nixed the outsourced groups (that are WAY more costly than govt. employees – *more on this momentarily), we would again have an organized and centrally focused organization, capable of making their own intelligent decisions. If we were politically and financially in the same situation we were in back in the days of the Internet’s origins…we could perhaps continue to use contractors appropriately. BUT…BUT…an outsourced group that’s not managed VERY specifically in regards to their deliverables and cost constraints…will run costs through the roof and hang around like a parasite – leeching funds for as long as it can. Our landscape currently is a LARGE amount of government employees basically only operating as “contractor managers”. Their hands have been tied so badly by the empty promises of “small government” that they cannot get anything accomplished themselves – and are stuck having to only jockey around contractors to try and get anything accomplished.

This isn’t to say that contracting agencies can’t offer tremendous value. (*)The point I want to mention though is that unchecked outsourcing can quickly run afoul. (the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Imagine a powerpoint document that outlines a program’s goals and objectives. About 20-30 pages. Nothing major. Something an administrative assistant and a few Engineering and Management resources could draft in a few days. Tack on a $35,000 price tag…and you’d land spot-on with how “cheap” outsourcing really costs us.

Do you seriously think we can design and operate secure and safe IT systems in this kind of environment?

Issue #3 – Talent
(we’ll be nice and stop here)
If we can tackle Issue #1 and #2 – we’re going to be immensely safer than we are today. This alone will eliminate the infighting (like our most recent embarrassing Republican standoff against anything our President offers) and curb errant and biased spending.

Once we’re past that however – the next hurdle is that of talent. Attracting and keeping top-notch talent to operate and design our Government’s networks and systems is a tough challenge. To even be a player in the field, we’re going to have to be able to offer compelling positions – with beautiful benefits and sweet salaries. Security professionals can command some of the highest compensation in the industry if they’re bright and talented. I’m very sorry to be the one to finally say it – but our enlisted folk are not always the “most capable” to be grappling with these challenges.

I’m personally friends with a lot of Military. There’s a lot of very smart and motivated folks defending our Country. There’s also a LOT of tools in the shed though that could use some sharpening…and these folks cannot be expected to handle defending ourselves in cyberspace. Grunts have no place in a virtual world. We have not yet abstracted and perfected cyber defenses to be some big shiny red button to mush on when there’s a problem…and it takes some pretty damn sharp engineering sometimes to even be able to DETECT some types of attack.

What needs to happen is kids need to wake up and realize that ‘blue collar’ doesn’t exist in America anymore. To be able to enlist and feed yourself…you’re going to have to have some computer experience…and the demands are getting higher and higher.

Grab a book. Install Linux (it’s free by the way). Teach yourself how stuff works. (I’m self taught) Surround yourself with smart people. Befriend a ‘nerd’. Muscles don’t mean shit in cyberspace. Jocks become useless on the playing fields of the ‘net.

We’re in a sad state indeed.

HOWEVER…..(!!!)….. what makes America so friggin awesome is that we’re a nation of ‘go-getters’ that are willing to stand up to a challenge. Roll up our sleeves and get to work, as the metaphor goes. I KNOW that we can climb to the level we need to be. I know we can overcome this.

It’s time to put the money-grubbing and the political infighting aside and get our asses in gear.

Or they’re going to get handed to us.

My porpoise (hands off!!)

So I’ve long been talking to myself. Many have overheard me over the years and chocked it up to my being “weird”. Well…this is where I get to broadcast all my weirdness.

So why blog? I’ve often debated whether blogging is a narcississtic blathering attempt to gain notoriety. I have found that this is a pretty “contemptuous” view of the world though. Why harbor any bizarre feelings about a person’s attempt to actualize their thoughts, ideas, discoveries, feelings and so on. Blogging is really not so different from “classic” writing; putting one’s thoughts to a more permanent medium than the air around you.

I’m just as important an anybody else. There’s no difference between someone that’s a rockstar and myself. I AM a rockstar. FUCK HUMILITY. Why cower in the corners of the world, watching in awe as the rest fly by in joyous happiness and praise. I am a glitter disco jumpsuit. I am jetset turbo elite. The world is mine for the taking – ripe with opportunity and successes.

A any rate, this is my self-obsessed “look at me” attempt to dislodge the gunk that flows through my head. Everybody needs to syndicate my words to otherworldly extent. All heed the technologic overlord!!! A red dawn is upon the world as you know it – I am set to take control; countdown initialized.

I am analog supremacy in digital form.

(I command thee to have a sense of humor!!!)

Hello world!

#include 

main()
{
     printf("Hello World");
}

Boot sector found.
Image initializing…

Ahhh, that’s much better. I love a good boot-up in the morning.

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